More and more and more
When does it become excess? The journey of less for 2025
I’m guilty, like all of us, of grabbing justonemorething before leaving the store. Maybe it’s Western consumerism, maybe it’s something innate in us that makes me feel like more is better.
Perhaps, just perhaps, this one more thing will fix things. It could be the thing that I’ve been looking for all my life! Recently, I’ve thought this about a lot: a diaper bag, shoes, my lunch.
It’s a spiral that’s difficult to get my brain out of. If something isn’t working, there’s an object, or idea, or something that can fill the hole. Maybe it’s just that onemorething that will be the magic touch, the thing that fixes it all.
And sure, this can be physical objects. How many times have I thought I’ll like my house more when I can buy different furniture, or I’ll like my style more when I can afford better clothes. But I’ve also thought it about my life — it’ll be better when I move, when I have a better job, if x, y, and z happen.
There’s always that thing I’m searching for, the thing that can be found in more. It’s trite to admit, but the past year or so has been a slow unraveling of the more for me. Maybe it’s devolving what I thought I needed, and learning to live with paring back.
My theme for this year is less. Physically less, maybe, yes, a little bit. Fewer things — but more deeply, putting less responsibility on things to make my life better. In a world that’s constantly try to optimize your time! and do eight hours worth of work in three! what if we just … did a little less?
I teach yoga, and one of my favorite concepts to teach (and experience in a class) is to pay attention to the breath. The inhale, the exhale, the inhale again — wait, did you change your breath? Did you deepen? Did you sit up straighter?
That’s the point. One we draw attention to something, we often change it. We wonder: I am I doing this wrong? How can it be better? What can I do to make it better? When, guys — it’s literally breathing. It’s keeping you alive. How could we possibly do that better.
The goal of this exercise is to first — observe. Not to distract, but to deepen. To recognize that we have all the tools we need.
There’s that old, maybe trite, quote about how one lifetime is enough if we do it right. And in truth, why do we need to do things over and over again? There’s this Ben Folds lyric that goes, “they get nostalgic for the last ten years before the last ten years have passed.” Before we process and move beyond the first thing, we are ready for the next.
I had my first child this year, and there’s a very large possibility he will be my only — simply because that’s what I want. It’s like an electric charge when I tell people that — why don’t you want more? I’m not sure what that magic second (or third or fourth) will bring. I don’t think I want more, unless it’s more with what I already have.
I used to watch a lot of Say Yes to the Dress when I was younger, and there was a recurring trope — someone who couldn’t quite commit to a dress often had tried on a dress before that they were secretly in love with and couldn’t get out of their head. The salespeople would roll their eyes and exasperatedly say, “why keep trying on dresses when you’ve already found the one?” Why do we keep searching for more when we have something really special?
Maybe by finding more and more and more, I’m not able to appreciate what I have. Maybe less and less and less means more free time, more curiosity.
Instead of grabbing justonemorething, perhaps it’s one less thing. Sitting with less and less and less until we stare at what we already have and it clicks what we can do differently. Instead of replacing the thing that doesn’t work, looking at how I can shift it. Instead of getting nostalgic for the thing that no longer exists, to enjoy it while it’s here.
Less and less, sitting with the lack of more to fill things up. So far this bas been less literal noise — focusing on one task at a time, turning off the tv, closing tabs. It’s meant less alcohol and more thoughtful choices. It’s meant focusing on the minimum viable product of a lotttt of personal projects. It’s sitting in the silence until I get the aha instead of staring at what I think I may want.
Less is uncomfortable. Less means actually getting things done and putting yourself out there. Less means failing and getting weird.
Less justonemorething, because the thing won’t make things better. I’ll make things better (woof, that’s scary). Unless it’s a new notebook or an iced coffee, that will probably make things better :)
Been thinking about this a ton! Recently switched to a flow yoga studio from years of Bikram/ Hot 26. Trying to learn this lesson too